hustlewomens.com

A letter to Wyclef

Suge White — Tue, 27 Jul 2010 20:48:26 +0000

Dear Wyclef,

I was just flipping channels and saw that you are thinking about running for president of Haiti. Are you fucking serious? This move would make Lauryn Hill’s mental state look like Bill ‘fucking’ Gates! Since when was it not enough to just make hit fucking records? Now you have to be a fucking president? You think you’re ‘helping’ the people but clearly you were born out of incest because your thoughts are fucking retarded. Are you going to make more money as a hip hop legend or as the president of Haiti? That should be a rhetorical question, at this point. Make your millions and use that money to help the people… all the people. Being president would only hinder your philanthropy. You don’t see Bono pulling this shit… and he’s a way bigger douche bag than you’ll ever be. So take a tip from U2′s questionably heterosexual frontman and just be a rockstar that gives back to the people. However, if you ever start wearing eyeliner and shitty purple sunglasses I’ll come find you and slap the shit out of you for completely ruining my memory of the Fugees. You’re our my last hope!

Sincerely,
Hustle Womens

RIP STEVE “HALFIE” LARSON

Suge White — Mon, 19 Jul 2010 21:53:13 +0000

Although you may have pissed me off many times, I’ll still miss your ridiculous antics. Your insensitivity regarding Danny’s ‘ethnic issues’ will never be matched, although, I’m sure you know we will try. Be easy my dude and Rest In Peace!
P.S. – Cop some analingus from an angel for me and keep them warmed up for when I get there.

Jew Power

Suge White — Sun, 27 Jun 2010 19:52:08 +0000

Just got finished watching Gangland on the History Channel. They were documenting some white supremacy group and it got me thinking. Aren’t some Jews white? Some of them are. And if they are, why aren’t there any Jewish supremacy groups? Well, I’m going to start one. The Jew Klux Klan is my creation. We advocate for all foreskin cutters and savers, penny pinching misers, and curly sideburns havers. JEW POWER!!!! (disclaimer: I love Jews)

Amazing

Suge White — Wed, 26 May 2010 15:23:33 +0000

Just shut up and watch!

You’d Never See Michael Jordan Doing This Shit

Suge White — Wed, 12 May 2010 15:17:28 +0000

Have you seen Kobe Bryant’s latest photoshoot? Only Kobe could get caught looking like this. Some people may reference the picture of a shirtless Tom Brady holding a goat but at least he looked like a man… a man possibly saving a wounded goats life. Kobe looks like a woman, or a man trying to look like a woman. I dont even have a problem with his outfit. Diddy has been dressing like this for years. The problem with the Kobe photoshoot is those ‘I kissed a boy’ eyes of his on top of all that make-up. I need to find Kevin Garnett’s reaction to this.

“Man, I Was Set Up Like a Motha….”

Suge White — Thu, 06 May 2010 16:12:10 +0000

Say it ain’t so L.T. After hearing about Lawrence Taylor’s arrest on suspicion of rape, I was left hoping it wasn’t true. History has proved some similar claims false… but not all of them. However, it must be remembered that you can only be famous for so long before someone accuses you of rape. It happens to the best of them. Tyson, Kobe, Roman Polanski, Michael Jackson, Kareem Abdul Jabbar (formerly of Lou Alcinder fame), Big Ben, and now Taylor. I know what you are saying, ‘didn’t Polanski admit it?’ Yes he did but that’s not the point. The point is that he had to be accused first. You may also be asking ‘when did Kareem Abdul Jabbar go through this?’ Well, he didn’t but doesn’t he look like a guy that this could have happened to and some people would have believed he did it? The answer is yes. The bottom line is this only happens to people who look like, or act like, they might be willing to take some ass through force. Taylor definitely looks the part with that high fade/flat-top hybrid that he wore in his playing days and would probably countinue to wear if his age allowed it, and with the single, long, gold, cross earring hanging off his left ear. He also acts the part with his crack smoking and uncomfortably energetic personality (which may be a byproduct of the crack smoking). With all that said, I hope it’s not true.

Kareem Abdul Jabbar looks suspect, that’s all I’m sayin’

and now more L.T.

RIP Guru

Suge White — Tue, 20 Apr 2010 21:26:13 +0000

Everybody in the world should be listening to this song today… Big Up! Keith Elam.

Me, Myself, and I

Suge White — Thu, 08 Apr 2010 15:45:20 +0000

I’ve just realized that all the major problems in my life have been caused by me. I am my own personal roadblock and at 6’1”, 230 lbs, that’s a big fucking roadblock. I will be walking down the road of life, trying to get to my destination (Burger King) as quickly as possible. All of a sudden, I am stopped by a man selling peculiar looking pills on the side of the road. “Hey man, you look like you could use a pill,” he says to me, “they won’t slow you down. They will only make you feel euphoric for the rest of your trip,” So of course, with no questions asked, I take the pill. Next thing I know, I’m sitting, ass-naked, in a field, talking to General Custer’s great-great-great nephew about the beauties of aqua socks and two hand touch football. At this point, I’ve forgotten all about my journey… and that goat behind me has been beckoning me towards the hills for quite some time. I know what’s in those hills… more goats. So I go towards the hills and I’ll be damned if there isn’t a single dog on that hill that wasn’t a goat. Then, the goats began to taunt me with chants of “You Can’t Make Milk, You Can’t Make Milk!” I try to defend myself but how can I? I clearly don’t make milk.

Big Up! Fiyamon

Suge White — Fri, 02 Apr 2010 16:00:48 +0000

A bit of Jamaican flavor

Who Needs To Know The Truth?

Suge White — Thu, 01 Apr 2010 20:29:02 +0000

During my time abroad, I’ve learned to enjoy the little pleasures that life has to offer. It can be the instant gratification you get from burning a hooker (usually the hooker burns you) or the funny feeling that accompanies a piss in a public pool. I’ve never before understood these pleasures but now I’m all in. Tomorrow, when I wake up in my own bed, I will need to find a way to keep that vibe going. Step one, from now on, everyone is a stranger because you can say anything to a stranger. “Excuse me sir, can you please point me to the buffet?” Or “Excuse me sir, can you please point me to the buffet? I am going to try and fit a whole pineapple in my ass.” See the glory in that? I have absolutely no intention on putting a fruit in my ass, no matter what his name is, but that stranger doesn’t know that. Simply put, you can fuck with anyone and everyone without their knowledge. During the trip, I met a girl who said she was an extra on an episode of Entourage. That could have been a complete lie and I wouldn’t know the difference. For all I know, she has never been to California at all and spends every waking hour in Louisville giving analingus to fine Kentucky Gentlemen for a nominal fee. Who am I to judge? You can be anything you want. “Hi, my name is Hustle and back home I get paid $25 an hour to watch crocodiles fuck.” And that’s just the beginning. It is all about saying exactly what you want and trying new things. As a matter of fact, I think I need to find the nearest light socket and stick my dick in it just because they say it can’t be done… or do they just say that it shouldn’t be done?

Jamrock, Meet Hustle Womens

Suge White — Mon, 22 Mar 2010 23:32:03 +0000

Tomorrow I leave for Jamaica. Needless to say, I have some big plans for my goons and I. However, my idea of ‘big plans’ is undoubtedly different than yours. In short, I have no idea what will happen but I’m prepared for anything. My travels may lead me to a situation where I might attempt to buy a man’s dreadlock, to use as a weapon in a robbery. I might even expose myself to Danny Glovers father (I understand that Danny Glover’s father has nothing to do with Jamaica but I could definitely picture a situation where I see him on the resort or something). So here is my ‘What to do in Jamaica Top 5 List’.

5. Fuck a coconut

4. Drink a Red Stripe.. that has been mixed in a blender with a Red Stripe Angelfish

3. Drunkenly piss on Peter Tosh’s tomb

2. Quickly attempt to wipe that piss away once I realize I pissed on Peter Tosh’s tomb

1. Smoke a joint rolled out of a Yellowman album cover… with Yellowman

Yellowman

A Quick Lesson: by Hustle Womens

Suge White — Sat, 13 Mar 2010 14:25:44 +0000

I’ve come to realize that an NBA player making his free throws is a lot like an NBA player taking a shit. Both are expected to eventually happen and if, after a prolonged period, they don’t happen then there is a problem. Also, for future reference, you shouldn’t get excited about watching a man do either.

Just Shut Up!

Suge White — Sat, 13 Mar 2010 11:58:49 +0000

Everybody be very quiet. Do you hear that? That is the sound of some jack ass, possibly created through incestual rape, running his mouth about something no one cares about. You know who you are. If I wanted to know the exact specs of your cars engine, I would ask. If I wanted to know about the days events that led up to you buying those shoes, I would ask. If I wanted to hear about your plans for next Tuesday, I would ask. I dont give a fuck about your car, your shoes, or your plans. What did I ever do to make you think I want to hear it? I definitly don’t want to hear it and I think even less of you for entertaining the thought that I do want to hear it. Next time you start up one of those selfishly annoying rants, I’m going to interrupt you, whip out my ball bag, and then tell you all about it like it has something to do with your story. So, if you don’t want that, shut the fuck up and go have a seat.

Fix These Roads

Suge White — Thu, 04 Mar 2010 20:26:10 +0000

Yesterday, I hit a pothole and wrecked the transmission in my car. Does this shit happen to other people, or just me? Isn’t it somebody’s job to fix these? Fucking lazy pricks! Do your job! Now, back to the holes. I think we should stop calling them potholes and start calling them assholes because that’s what they are…. ASSHOLES. Fucking ridiculous! I want to fill in that pothole with my shit, which I will then piss on. Or maybe I’ll just tea bag the pothole. You’ll drive by and see me with my pants around my ankles and my balls in a hole in the road. How would you like that pothole? You wouldn’t, would you?

The Real Paddy’s Pub

Suge White — Fri, 26 Feb 2010 19:48:40 +0000

The Saint (Local Goon) demanded that I, at least acknowledge The Real Paddy’s Pub of “Always Sunny in Philadelphia” fame. Ok, Yung Tin, you win. This bar was the highlight of Philly. While it doesn’t look anything like the television version, the real Paddy’s Pub has a hole-in-the-wall feel and a ‘never been dusted or cleaned in any manner’ appearance. I definitely had no trouble believing the show was modeled after this place, which the bartender said the first season was. However, I was struck by how small it was. I’ve taken shits bigger than this bar. With that being said, I can not seriously disparage Paddy’s Pub in any way because they were the nicest, most seemingly honest, people, we met in the whole city. The bar dogs working there. OK, maybe the dogs didn’t work their but it appeared as if they spent just as much time their as some of the employees. This was definitely a dog friendly bar. I spotted at least 3, maybe 4, dogs in this place during my brief stay. I also saw 4-5 women that looked liked dogs, several men that looked like they had been fucked by dogs, and a single Leif Garrett impersonator. This bar needs to pack up shop and move up here to Worcester because this type of place would fit right in with some of our finest drinking establishments such as the Diamond Inn, Barney Google’s, and Leitrim’s.