Everybody in the world should be listening to this song today… Big Up! Keith Elam.
Archive for the Uncategorized Category
RIP Guru
Posted in Uncategorized with tags Boston, dj premier, gangstarr, guru, moment of truth, premo on April 20, 2010 by Suge WhiteWho Needs To Know The Truth?
Posted in Disaster, Fucked Up People, Hero, Uncategorized with tags Bourbon, buffet, Entourage, Jamaica, Kentucky, Kentucky Gentlemen, lies, lying, pineapple, strangers on April 1, 2010 by Suge White
During my time abroad, I’ve learned to enjoy the little pleasures that life has to offer. It can be the instant gratification you get from burning a hooker (usually the hooker burns you) or the funny feeling that accompanies a piss in a public pool. I’ve never before understood these pleasures but now I’m all in. Tomorrow, when I wake up in my own bed, I will need to find a way to keep that vibe going. Step one, from now on, everyone is a stranger because you can say anything to a stranger. “Excuse me sir, can you please point me to the buffet?” Or “Excuse me sir, can you please point me to the buffet? I am going to try and fit a whole pineapple in my ass.” See the glory in that? I have absolutely no intention on putting a fruit in my ass, no matter what his name is, but that stranger doesn’t know that. Simply put, you can fuck with anyone and everyone without their knowledge. During the trip, I met a girl who said she was an extra on an episode of Entourage. That could have been a complete lie and I wouldn’t know the difference. For all I know, she has never been to California at all and spends every waking hour in Louisville giving analingus to fine Kentucky Gentlemen for a nominal fee. Who am I to judge? You can be anything you want. “Hi, my name is Hustle and back home I get paid $25 an hour to watch crocodiles fuck.” And that’s just the beginning. It is all about saying exactly what you want and trying new things. As a matter of fact, I think I need to find the nearest light socket and stick my dick in it just because they say it can’t be done… or do they just say that it shouldn’t be done?
Jamrock, Meet Hustle Womens
Posted in Delicious, Disaster, Great American Pastimes, Shit We Do, Uncategorized with tags coconut, Danny Glover, dreadlocks, JA, Jamaica, Jamaican bobsled team, jamrock, Lethal Weapon, Peter Tosh, Red Stripe, Red Stripe Angelfish, Yellowman on March 22, 2010 by Suge White
Tomorrow I leave for Jamaica. Needless to say, I have some big plans for my goons and I. However, my idea of ‘big plans’ is undoubtedly different than yours. In short, I have no idea what will happen but I’m prepared for anything. My travels may lead me to a situation where I might attempt to buy a man’s dreadlock, to use as a weapon in a robbery. I might even expose myself to Danny Glovers father (I understand that Danny Glover’s father has nothing to do with Jamaica but I could definitely picture a situation where I see him on the resort or something). So here is my ‘What to do in Jamaica Top 5 List’.
5. Fuck a coconut
4. Drink a Red Stripe.. that has been mixed in a blender with a Red Stripe Angelfish
3. Drunkenly piss on Peter Tosh’s tomb
2. Quickly attempt to wipe that piss away once I realize I pissed on Peter Tosh’s tomb
1. Smoke a joint rolled out of a Yellowman album cover… with Yellowman
Yellowman
Fix These Roads
Posted in Disaster, Fucked Up People, Listen, Look, Make Decisions, Shit We Do, Stop, Stop...Look...Listen, Uncategorized with tags asshole, car, drive, hustle, hustle womens, lazy, massachusetts, masshole, potholes, tea bag, transmission, worcester on March 4, 2010 by Suge White
Yesterday, I hit a pothole and wrecked the transmission in my car. Does this shit happen to other people, or just me? Isn’t it somebody’s job to fix these? Fucking lazy pricks! Do your job! Now, back to the holes. I think we should stop calling them potholes and start calling them assholes because that’s what they are…. ASSHOLES. Fucking ridiculous! I want to fill in that pothole with my shit, which I will then piss on. Or maybe I’ll just tea bag the pothole. You’ll drive by and see me with my pants around my ankles and my balls in a hole in the road. How would you like that pothole? You wouldn’t, would you?
The Real Paddy’s Pub
Posted in Uncategorized with tags always sunny in phili, Paddy's Pub, Philadelphia, Philly on February 26, 2010 by Suge White
The Saint (Local Goon) demanded that I, at least acknowledge The Real Paddy’s Pub of “Always Sunny in Philadelphia” fame. Ok, Yung Tin, you win. This bar was the highlight of Philly. While it doesn’t look anything like the television version, the real Paddy’s Pub has a hole-in-the-wall feel and a ‘never been dusted or cleaned in any manner’ appearance. I definitely had no trouble believing the show was modeled after this place, which the bartender said the first season was. However, I was struck by how small it was. I’ve taken shits bigger than this bar. With that being said, I can not seriously disparage Paddy’s Pub in any way because they were the nicest, most seemingly honest, people, we met in the whole city. The bar dogs working there. OK, maybe the dogs didn’t work their but it appeared as if they spent just as much time their as some of the employees. This was definitely a dog friendly bar. I spotted at least 3, maybe 4, dogs in this place during my brief stay. I also saw 4-5 women that looked liked dogs, several men that looked like they had been fucked by dogs, and a single Leif Garrett impersonator. This bar needs to pack up shop and move up here to Worcester because this type of place would fit right in with some of our finest drinking establishments such as the Diamond Inn, Barney Google’s, and Leitrim’s.
Across State Lines
Posted in Delicious, Disaster, Fucked Up People, Great American Pastimes, Hero, Look, Shit We Do, Stop...Look...Listen, Uncategorized with tags old people, Man vs. Food, goons, funny, music, Rocky, Philadelphia, Philly, cheesesteak, steak and cheese, Geno's, Pat's, Geno's vs. Pat's, Pat's vs. Geno's, Pennsylvania, New York, Liberty Bell, tourist, city, Home Economics, high school, blogger, internet, creepy, 70, PA, Emeril Lagasse, Boom, New York City, Madison Square Garden, Knicks, David Lee, Union Square, Starbucks, Paddy's Pub, Always Sunny in Philadelphia, hallucinations, George Clinton, ESPN, The Zone, Time Square, cheese steaks, steak ums, travel, america, people, comedy, bill burr, bill burr hates philly on February 26, 2010 by Suge White
Today I bring you the 70th edition of ‘Who Wants To Be a Creepy Internet Blogger?’. I will discuss my recent trips to Philadelphia and New York, as well as, some other necessary topics. I shall start with Philly. You suck! No, I’m serious. You really suck. I’m trying not to lump all Pennsylvanians together here, because I know some genuinely awesome people from PA (Ok, maybe just know 1 or 2, 3 at the most), but Philly is terrible. Sure, its got history but that’s about it. And don’t even fucking say that they have cheese steaks because I had their cheese steaks and was not impressed. I got half way through my second sandwich in the Geno’s vs. Pat’s cheese steak challenge when I thought to myself, “These aren’t nearly as good as everyone made them out to be”. Seriously, a retard in a high school Home Economics class could make a better sandwich, or at least one that is equally unappealing. All you need is a box of Steak Ums and some nacho cheese and in the words of Emeril Lagasse ”BOOM!”, you have a cheese steak. And that my friends, is nothing to write home about. Next stop, New York City. Somehow I’ve managed to go 26 years without stepping foot in the city but it was worth the wait. It was fucking amazing, especially after my uneventful trip to Philly. Usually I don’t like people, let alone large groups of them, congregating on every corner of the horizon. However, New York had so many people, I felt alone… until I told that girl waiting in the bathroom line at the Union Square Starbucks that the toilet was now out-of-order, as I was walking out, adjusting my belt buckle. surprisingly, the girl laughed at my lame ass brand of toilet humor. What an amazing world we live in. It’s as if the city was made to be one giant natural hallucination. The one thing that my trip to New York left me thinking was, “No wonder they call it the city that never sleeps. How could you with all those fucking lights?”
Here are some ridiculous pictures of the Goons and myself gallivanting across state lines.
Bill Burr somes up the people of Philly right here… trust me, watch the whole thing. its awesome
Pissing on the Couz
Posted in Disaster, Great American Pastimes, Hero, Listen, Look, Make Decisions, Shit We Do, Uncategorized with tags basketball, Bob Cousy, Boston, Boston Celtics, Celtics, College of the Holy Cross, Cousy, grandparents, Holy Cross, Houdini, Houdini of the hardwoods, hustle, hustle womens, McDonald's, NBA, saturday, The Couz, worcester on February 13, 2010 by Suge White
Again I watch the sun rise on a Saturday morning. Good God, what is this world coming to? The only people that should be up at this hour are fiends and dealers, cops and robbers, and my grandmother. Yet, you see parents driving vans filled with children, McDonalds parking lots filled (all be it with grandmothers and fathers like my own), and this sorry ass dragging itself into work. I don’t know if I can take it much longer. Maybe I should force them to haul me off to the pen before I even walk in the door by exposing myself to this giant Bob Cousey statue in front of me. Not in a sexual way but more of a ‘I’ve been drinking all night and now I’m going to piss on this giant blurry object in front of me, WOOHOO!!!’ sort of way. I firmly believe that, if the tables were turned, the Couz would have no problem washing down my bronze frame with his weak ass 80 something year old stream.
Craig Sager and The Impeccably Purple Gator Skin Boots.
Posted in Delicious, Disaster, Fucked Up People, Hero, Look, Make Decisions, Shit We Do, Uncategorized with tags all star, all star game, basketball, Celtics, Craig Segar, Craig Segar's suits, dog, dog the bounty hunter, Garnett, Gator skin boots, Gators, hustle womens, K.G., Kevin Garnett, NBA, Prince, purple, rookie vs. sophomore, worcester on February 13, 2010 by Suge White
Did anyone see Craig Sagers boots at last nights NBA All-Star Rookies vs. Sophomores game? They were, dare I say magical. The man was wearing the finest, purple gator skin, boots that I had ever seen. Actually, they were the only purple gator skin boots that I had ever seen but that should only add to the glory of them This may have been nothing new for Craig but for me, these boots were something straight out of ‘Lord of the Rings’… pure fiction. If you locked Prince and Dog the Bounty Hunter in a room for 3 days in search of some collectively creative, stroke of genius, I would think these shoes would be the eventual byproduct 90% of the time. And the socks? I can’t imagine those boots being worn with anything other than socks made from the fur of the most sexually dominant chinchillas science can find.
K.G. giving it to Craig Sager over his suit…. “You should be butt ass naked. This should be burnt.”
A Great Discussion
Posted in Delicious, Disaster, Fucked Up People, Great American Pastimes, Hero, Listen, Make Decisions, Shit We Do, Uncategorized with tags cancer, cooking meth, doctors, Dr. Pepper, Dr. Pepper vs. Mr. Pibb, groin injuries, hustle, hustle womens, meth, methamphetamine, Mr. Pibb, Mr. Pibb commercial, Mr. Pibb vs Dr. Pepper, open heart surgery, Phd, Pibb, rednecks, soda, Sullivangelist, Winds of Change on February 10, 2010 by Suge White
Let me ask you a question. Do you prefer Dr. Pepper or Mr. Pibb? Two almost identical beverages with very different backgrounds. Mr. Pibb has always been my preference for one single reason. Dr. Pepper allegedly has a PhD yet he makes soda? Sounds like a God damn failure to me. Mr. Pibb makes an equally delicious beverage and he didn’t need to waste 10 years of his life to do it. Sorry Doc. Your PhD doesn’t mean shit when it comes to filling a can with some sort of sugary concoction that fills the heart with happiness… and the pancreas with cancer. So stick to open heart surgery or giving some guy a second opinion on a groin injury. The Sullivangelist (local goon) proposed a theory that a doctor could make a superior soda because he would know how to mix and match ingredients to get the best results. The one flaw in this arguement is you don’t need a degree to do that. Rednecks have being doing this for years. It’s called cooking meth. Sure, a couple two-three have blown themselves up trying but many still succeed. Either way, I don’t think this Pepper character needs to market himself as a doctor. It’s unneccessary and leads me to believe he has met enormous failures somewhere in his life that led him to the world soft drinks. Feel free to voice your opinion because this debate is far from over.
I had to put this up because I don’t know anyone that has ever actually seen a Mr. Pibb commercial
Real Man Shit
Posted in Great American Pastimes, Hero, Listen, Shit We Do, Stop...Look...Listen, Uncategorized with tags beer, britney spears, Bud Light Lime, buffett, bungee cords, cheeseburgers, drinking, hookers, real man on December 12, 2009 by Suge White
Real Man Shit – to perform the actions of a real man
This idea was first brought to me through the brillant thoughts of the Big Hug (Local Goon). The concept of real man shit is pretty straight forward but let me explain. Going to a Britney Spears concert is not real man shit. However, buying front row tickets to a Britney Spears concert for the sole purpose of trying to look up her skirt is real man shit. Bud Light Limes = not Real Man Shit. 6 Bud Light Limes consumed at one time through a funnel = Real Man Shit. Got it? Ok. Now I will proceed to my top 5.
5. Going to a buffet, eating till you can’t possibly eat anymore, and then having another plate
4. Drinking over 30 beers in a day just to prove a point… and believe me, it’s been done
3. Fixing your car with glue, duct tape, or bungee cords
2. Paying a hooker to be your date for a wedding
1. Taking a shit while drinking a beer, smoking a joint, or eating a cheeseburger… and yes, it has to be a cheeseburger
