Yesterday, I hit a pothole and wrecked the transmission in my car. Does this shit happen to other people, or just me? Isn’t it somebody’s job to fix these? Fucking lazy pricks! Do your job! Now, back to the holes. I think we should stop calling them potholes and start calling them assholes because that’s what they are…. ASSHOLES. Fucking ridiculous! I want to fill in that pothole with my shit, which I will then piss on. Or maybe I’ll just tea bag the pothole. You’ll drive by and see me with my pants around my ankles and my balls in a hole in the road. How would you like that pothole? You wouldn’t, would you?
Fix These Roads
Posted in Disaster, Fucked Up People, Listen, Look, Make Decisions, Shit We Do, Stop, Stop...Look...Listen, Uncategorized with tags asshole, car, drive, hustle, hustle womens, lazy, massachusetts, masshole, potholes, tea bag, transmission, worcester on March 4, 2010 by Suge WhiteThe Real Paddy’s Pub
Posted in Uncategorized with tags always sunny in phili, Paddy's Pub, Philadelphia, Philly on February 26, 2010 by Suge White
The Saint (Local Goon) demanded that I, at least acknowledge The Real Paddy’s Pub of “Always Sunny in Philadelphia” fame. Ok, Yung Tin, you win. This bar was the highlight of Philly. While it doesn’t look anything like the television version, the real Paddy’s Pub has a hole-in-the-wall feel and a ‘never been dusted or cleaned in any manner’ appearance. I definitely had no trouble believing the show was modeled after this place, which the bartender said the first season was. However, I was struck by how small it was. I’ve taken shits bigger than this bar. With that being said, I can not seriously disparage Paddy’s Pub in any way because they were the nicest, most seemingly honest, people, we met in the whole city. The bar dogs working there. OK, maybe the dogs didn’t work their but it appeared as if they spent just as much time their as some of the employees. This was definitely a dog friendly bar. I spotted at least 3, maybe 4, dogs in this place during my brief stay. I also saw 4-5 women that looked liked dogs, several men that looked like they had been fucked by dogs, and a single Leif Garrett impersonator. This bar needs to pack up shop and move up here to Worcester because this type of place would fit right in with some of our finest drinking establishments such as the Diamond Inn, Barney Google’s, and Leitrim’s.
Across State Lines
Posted in Delicious, Disaster, Fucked Up People, Great American Pastimes, Hero, Look, Shit We Do, Stop...Look...Listen, Uncategorized with tags 70, Always Sunny in Philadelphia, america, bill burr, bill burr hates philly, blogger, Boom, cheese steaks, cheesesteak, city, comedy, creepy, David Lee, Emeril Lagasse, ESPN, funny, Geno's, Geno's vs. Pat's, George Clinton, goons, hallucinations, high school, Home Economics, internet, Knicks, Liberty Bell, Madison Square Garden, Man vs. Food, music, New York, New York City, old people, PA, Paddy's Pub, Pat's, Pat's vs. Geno's, Pennsylvania, people, Philadelphia, Philly, Rocky, Starbucks, steak and cheese, steak ums, The Zone, Time Square, tourist, travel, Union Square on February 26, 2010 by Suge White
Today I bring you the 70th edition of ‘Who Wants To Be a Creepy Internet Blogger?’. I will discuss my recent trips to Philadelphia and New York, as well as, some other necessary topics. I shall start with Philly. You suck! No, I’m serious. You really suck. I’m trying not to lump all Pennsylvanians together here, because I know some genuinely awesome people from PA (Ok, maybe just know 1 or 2, 3 at the most), but Philly is terrible. Sure, its got history but that’s about it. And don’t even fucking say that they have cheese steaks because I had their cheese steaks and was not impressed. I got half way through my second sandwich in the Geno’s vs. Pat’s cheese steak challenge when I thought to myself, “These aren’t nearly as good as everyone made them out to be”. Seriously, a retard in a high school Home Economics class could make a better sandwich, or at least one that is equally unappealing. All you need is a box of Steak Ums and some nacho cheese and in the words of Emeril Lagasse ”BOOM!”, you have a cheese steak. And that my friends, is nothing to write home about. Next stop, New York City. Somehow I’ve managed to go 26 years without stepping foot in the city but it was worth the wait. It was fucking amazing, especially after my uneventful trip to Philly. Usually I don’t like people, let alone large groups of them, congregating on every corner of the horizon. However, New York had so many people, I felt alone… until I told that girl waiting in the bathroom line at the Union Square Starbucks that the toilet was now out-of-order, as I was walking out, adjusting my belt buckle. surprisingly, the girl laughed at my lame ass brand of toilet humor. What an amazing world we live in. It’s as if the city was made to be one giant natural hallucination. The one thing that my trip to New York left me thinking was, “No wonder they call it the city that never sleeps. How could you with all those fucking lights?”
Here are some ridiculous pictures of the Goons and myself gallivanting across state lines.
Bill Burr somes up the people of Philly right here… trust me, watch the whole thing. its awesome
Live and Learn
Posted in Disaster, Fucked Up People, Listen, Make Decisions, Shit We Do, Stop, Stop...Look...Listen with tags 26, cop, crack, diaper, hustle womens, laced, MA, massachusetts, police, smoke, Tyrone Biggums, worcester on February 18, 2010 by Suge White
I’m 26 years into this life and I’m stilling finding new things that I’m not supposed to do. I will give you a rundown on what I’ve learned. First off, don’t tell somebody on Ash Wednesday that they’ve ‘got some shit on their face’. Apparently ash and shit are not the same and I’m supposed to know the difference. Second, never ask a cop how you can tell if the crack you just bought is laced. You are better off asking how to tell if the crack you just SMOKED is laced. Lastly, never wear a diaper unless you are absolutely certain that you’re going to need it because even if its empty, it still look like there’s a load in your pants.
…But She Wears It Well.
Posted in Delicious, Disaster, Fucked Up People, Hero, Shit We Do, Stop...Look...Listen with tags cheese, hustle, hustle womens, MA, Rocky, shirts, the guy on the couch, worcester on February 18, 2010 by Suge White
Hustlewomens.com getting that lady love. I wonder how many ladies I can trick into wearing one of these shirts (the answer is 3 because I only have 3 shirts).
Competition: The only way to prove you are better
Posted in Disaster, Great American Pastimes, Hero, Look, Shit We Do, Stop...Look...Listen with tags biathalon, bobslead, canada, Cool Runnings, curling, Doug E. Doug, germany, ghana, Jamaican bobsled team, John Candy, lake placid, lindsey vonn, olympics, russia, Russian, shaun white, skiing, snowboarding, sweden, switzerland, the miracle on ice, vancouver, winter olympics on February 18, 2010 by Suge White
I love watching the Winter Olympics. They feature a few sports that I love, a few sports that I find at least mildly entertaining, and plenty of good old competition… and this world needs more competition. Pitting nations against each other brings out the best in everyone. There is nothing better than being able to tell an entire country that they suck. The best part is that we can do it one skier, or snowboarder, at a time or we can knock off a whole bunch at once by telling the German Curling team to go suck a bag. Sweden, you suck! Switzerland, you suck! The one guy representing Ghana, you suck! The Miracle On Ice remains the single greatest sporting event of all time because it was the ultimate ‘FUCK YOU’ to the Russians… and at the time nothing pleased America more than fucking the Russians. Now there are a lot of shitty countries in the world and its good that the time has come for us to get the chance to tell them to take their toys and get the fuck out of the sandbox.
I couldn’t leave you this post without first paying hommage to one of the greatest movies of all time, Cool Runnings.
Epic
Posted in Delicious, Disaster, Fucked Up People, Great American Pastimes, Hero, Listen, Look, Make Decisions, Shit We Do, Stop, Stop...Look...Listen with tags Arnold Palmer, bar, beer, Cool Hand Luke, drinking, fight, fighting, goons, hustle, hustle womens, iced tea, John Daly, lemonade, MA, massachusetts, Miller Lite, Nick Nolte, Nick Nolte drunk, Paul Newman, Quentin Tarantino, Scrilla, scrilla beats, vodka, weekend, worcester on February 16, 2010 by Suge White
Epic. That is the only word that can describe this past weekend. Not because it was an especially exciting time but because the failures of the weekend will live on in infamy for years to come. Lets just put it this way, the Goons were out in full force and that didn’t bode well for anyone… especially for us Goons. I’m going to do this Quentin Tarantino style and give you the ending first. Scrilla (Local Goon) and I were dragged out of the bar. Then we got into a fight on the sidewalk, during which, no punches were landed. Epic failure. It all started with us sucking down John Dalys (iced tea, lemonade, vodka) at a break neck speed. By the way, John Dalys are now known as Cool Hand Lukes because the mix is much better with the Paul Newman half and half, as opposed to the Arnold Palmer half and half Arizona makes. Anyway, by the time we left the house we were all Nick Nolte’ed (if you don’t know what that means, see bottom of post). At the first bar, more work was done, with us drinking several shots in short succession. However, the work would not last long. Our time at that bar ended with me dumping my freshly poured Miller Lite into some young ladys lap… and it was NO accident. I’m sorry, if you are going to be a bitch for no reason at all, you may get a beer dumped on you from time to time. We aren’t going to get into exactly what she did because first off, I don’t remember and second off, I don’t want the possible facts to get in the way of an awesome memory, in which I swooped in like a super hero and defended my friends’ honor by dumping a beer on some dolled up bitch with a fist up her ass. This is my blog so I make the fucking rules… and my rules say she deserved it!
Nick Nolte
Pissing on the Couz
Posted in Disaster, Great American Pastimes, Hero, Listen, Look, Make Decisions, Shit We Do, Uncategorized with tags basketball, Bob Cousy, Boston, Boston Celtics, Celtics, College of the Holy Cross, Cousy, grandparents, Holy Cross, Houdini, Houdini of the hardwoods, hustle, hustle womens, McDonald's, NBA, saturday, The Couz, worcester on February 13, 2010 by Suge White
Again I watch the sun rise on a Saturday morning. Good God, what is this world coming to? The only people that should be up at this hour are fiends and dealers, cops and robbers, and my grandmother. Yet, you see parents driving vans filled with children, McDonalds parking lots filled (all be it with grandmothers and fathers like my own), and this sorry ass dragging itself into work. I don’t know if I can take it much longer. Maybe I should force them to haul me off to the pen before I even walk in the door by exposing myself to this giant Bob Cousey statue in front of me. Not in a sexual way but more of a ‘I’ve been drinking all night and now I’m going to piss on this giant blurry object in front of me, WOOHOO!!!’ sort of way. I firmly believe that, if the tables were turned, the Couz would have no problem washing down my bronze frame with his weak ass 80 something year old stream.
Craig Sager and The Impeccably Purple Gator Skin Boots.
Posted in Delicious, Disaster, Fucked Up People, Hero, Look, Make Decisions, Shit We Do, Uncategorized with tags all star, all star game, basketball, Celtics, Craig Segar, Craig Segar's suits, dog, dog the bounty hunter, Garnett, Gator skin boots, Gators, hustle womens, K.G., Kevin Garnett, NBA, Prince, purple, rookie vs. sophomore, worcester on February 13, 2010 by Suge White
Did anyone see Craig Sagers boots at last nights NBA All-Star Rookies vs. Sophomores game? They were, dare I say magical. The man was wearing the finest, purple gator skin, boots that I had ever seen. Actually, they were the only purple gator skin boots that I had ever seen but that should only add to the glory of them This may have been nothing new for Craig but for me, these boots were something straight out of ‘Lord of the Rings’… pure fiction. If you locked Prince and Dog the Bounty Hunter in a room for 3 days in search of some collectively creative, stroke of genius, I would think these shoes would be the eventual byproduct 90% of the time. And the socks? I can’t imagine those boots being worn with anything other than socks made from the fur of the most sexually dominant chinchillas science can find.
K.G. giving it to Craig Sager over his suit…. “You should be butt ass naked. This should be burnt.”
Funny Or Die
Posted in Stop...Look...Listen with tags die, don cheadle, february, funny, funny or die, hbo, hustle, hustle womens, john c. reilly, sketch comedy, will ferrell, youtube, zach galifianakis on February 10, 2010 by Suge WhiteThis shit should be absolutely amazing. A cast of comedic all-stars doing sketch comedy? Where can you go wrong. I don’t know if it will live up to the hype (what does these days?) but I wanted to put this up because it looks funny… and I like funny.
